i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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