my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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