It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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