Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
