i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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