Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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