Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
