I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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