She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
whose parrot is this?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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