Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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