Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So I just went to clothing optional bar
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
