im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
