That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
