hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
