Cold hands, warm shart.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
