yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
