Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
