You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think i have two assholes
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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