i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
