come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
