Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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