You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
