In the future we'll all be gay
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
