There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
