So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
