You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
