I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dicks are not precious.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
