Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
