My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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