On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
