I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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