Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I won the penis lottery.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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