she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
