There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
