She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
