Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
