i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
