i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
