I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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