This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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