Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Nicole vs. Life
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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