Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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