I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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