I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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