buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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