She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
