Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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