i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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