i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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