Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize