More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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