They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
