Well douche your snatch and let's go!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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