Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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