honey bunches of taint.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
