I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
