This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
