this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
