I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
