Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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