I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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