Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
