does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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