Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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