And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
