Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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