I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Randomize
