Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
