I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
