I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
