She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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