Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She's the barista slut.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
