dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
