By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
