My friends, they love my intelligence
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
