he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
