I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
