so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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