Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
