The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
and you fell through a lawn chair
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
