omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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