Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
