there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
