from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
