I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
