I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
