I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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