i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
