piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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