I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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