um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
