And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She bit a glass in half.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
