I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
